In my practice as a Life Coach and Therapist, I often find myself working with clients who are facing the aftermath of a break up. If you reached adulthood, it is highly probably that you have experienced a break up of some sort. Unfortunately many people often find themselves stuck after a relationship has ended. Whether or not you are the person that initiates the break up or you are on the receiving end of the break up, the end of a relationship is often a difficult time.  Before getting married, I remember times that a relationship ended and the devastation that I felt once my relationships ended. At the time, I recall feeling like it was the worse pain I even experienced and could not imagine that I would ever be able to recover, or even worse love again. I know I know…I was a bit dramatic in my younger years, but along the way I have learned that we are much more resilient than we realize and healing is always possible. If you are reading this post and you are in the midst of a break up, I want you to know that this too shall pass and better days are ahead.  I’d like to offer some tips that may help you to navigate through this process.

1.  GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO GRIEVE

A break up is a real loss and the feelings of grief are real. To many the end of a relationship may feel like the loss of a loved one. It’s painful. Allow yourself the opportunity to cry it out. Acknowledge that the pain exists and allow the tears to flow. I promise you that they will eventually stop. At this point, your healing is already beginning.

2.  ENDULGE YOURSELF IN GOOD SELF CARE

During this time, you will find that you will need to be extra gentle with yourself. This means that you will have more emotional and physical needs.  This is a time that you will need to pamper yourself. Although you may not feel like it, it’s important that you take one action and then another.  Some things that you may consider during this time is making sure you are eating well, exercising, taking hot baths, buy yourself fresh flowers, go to spa for a massage or facial, read a book. You absolutely deserve it.

3. STOP COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR EX

Although it may feel helpful to continue to communicate with your ex, you are actually delaying the healing process. I get it, it’s really difficult to disconnect from someone that you’ve spent a lot of time with, however to keep talking with your ex will leave you feeling even more upset. This may mean that you will need to remove your ex from your phone if it will reduce the temptation to call. Remove any social media connections that you may have with your ex.  You may also need to rid yourself of the things that remind you of your ex.  Although you may want to keep some hope that your ex will come back to you, this kind of thinking will keep you stuck and create more pain for you if this does not happen.

4. FIND YOURSELF EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

During this time, you may feel like isolating yourself, however I encourage you to lean on the people in your life who care about you. Embrace the affection of your family and friends who want to be there for you. Don’t try to tough it out alone. You may be able to get good advice from others that have experienced break ups in the past.

5. FIND HEALTHY WAYS OF RELEASING YOUR FEELINGS

Having lots of different feelings during this time is quite normal and to expected.  You need to find health outlets to get your feelings out. Exercise is a great way to release your frustrations. Other healthy ways of releasing your feelings include journal writing or drawing out your feelings. One great way of expressing your thoughts is composing a letter to your ex that will never send them. All of these can be cathartic in helping in your healing.

6. DO NOT MOVE ON TOO SOON

Avoiding the pain of a breakup, although in the moment may make sense, will not be useful in the long term. Be patient and gentle with yourself and understand that you will go between many different feelings. It may be very tempting to rebound into a new relationship however in the long term, this will delay your healing process and you may bring unresolved baggage into your new relationship. Inviting someone into your life before you are emotionally ready will only result in your hurting this person or even worsening your pain.

7. REFRAME YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP

It is easy to romanticize your relationship once it’s over, but remember that the relationship ended because there were aspects of the relationship that were not meeting one or both of your needs.  Try to think about all of the things about your ex that you did not like or appreciate. And if your partner did not like things about you, ask yourself why you would want yourself to be with someone who does not appreciate you.

8. CREATE A NEW AND IMPROVED IDENTITY

After a break up, you may start to feel really bad about yourself; however this is a period of time that you should welcome. This is a time, where you can really spend some time loving on yourself. Take this time to refocus your attention on yourself and figure out what things bring you joy and fulfillment. Consider cultivating some new interests, connecting with mothers or do something that you’ve always wanted to do. This can truly be an exciting time to rediscover you and create a more improved version of yourself.

9. FIND MEANING IN YOUR BREAK UP

This is probably one of the most important steps in your healing process.  I believe that everything that happens to us happens for us.  It may not seem like it at the time, but there is always lesson in our pain. Take some time and consider the lessons that you’ve learned about yourself in the relationship. Think about some of things that you would like to do differently in your future relationship. It’s important that you do not bring old baggage into your new relationship. It may be useful to work with a life coach or therapist to help you to navigate this process.

10. BE OPEN TO LOVE AGAIN

Our hearts are capable of withstanding more than we realize. Although you may feel like caring for someone again is impossible, it is very possible that you will be capable to liking or loving someone again. The more that we open ourselves to the possibility of love the more likely the universe will support the desires of our hearts.  Keep living your life and when it’s time, you will be ready to allow someone in your life again.

I hope that these tips will assist you or you will share this post with someone who may need some support in getting through a breakup. . Remember that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.